were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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