i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
