I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize