I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
