Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Please don't give away my fajitas
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
