Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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