i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize