Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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