I want to make a zoo with you.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
