I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
