no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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