and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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