you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
