I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
