oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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