my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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