I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
