Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When are your genitals available?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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