i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Green mimosas i think yes
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
