last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
