I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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