so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
