I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
