All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize