i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
