what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
