Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
