Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
