If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize