There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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