So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
