I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
A+ Viking dick
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
