it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
