You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
