I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
