VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
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