I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
