i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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