Porn is love you can see.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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