I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The uberlube is also flammable
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
