And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize