Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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