It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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