OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i love accidental penises.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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