I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want to make out with him forever
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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