Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
