remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
