I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
