I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
