Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
