Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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