i will never coherently bang her
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
