Can Purell be used as lube?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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