I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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