it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
