Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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