Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Found the puke drawer
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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