The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
