Three words: puerto rican gang bang
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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