when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize