just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
