I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
