is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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