my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Pappa wants mamma naked
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Randomize
