yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
