note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
