it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize