did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
