just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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