How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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