Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
